Lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of other Black women say the same thing that’s been punching me in the gut:
“I don’t want to be strong anymore.”“I don’t want to be resilient.”“I don’t want to be praised for surviving.”
Because at some point, being called strong stops feeling like a compliment and starts feeling like a sentence.
I don’t want to be strong.I want to be soft.I want to be safe.I want to be supported.I want to be able to fall apart without everything falling apart.
And I think that’s what’s been sitting in my chest lately.
It’s 6 p.m. on a Thursday night.My phone is in DND mode.I’m lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and I’m feeling that feeling again.
It’s not quite panic.It’s not exactly sadness.More like an invisible weight that sits in your chest and whispers, “something isn’t right.”
That unsteady feeling.The feeling that you’re standing on shifting ground…sinking sand.That feeling of not knowing what’s coming next, but you don’t feel prepared for it.
I don’t think it’s just me.I think a lot of us are carrying more than we were ever meant to carry alone.
We were raised on independence.On huSTLe.On self-sufficiency.On “I got this.”
Now we’re grown and realizing how lonely that blueprint is.
Because at some point, you don’t just want success.You want support.You want safety.You want a village.You want somewhere soft to land.
I’ve been thinking a lot about help.About how hard it is to ask for it.About how healing costs money that most people don’t have.About how self-awareness is powerful, but not enough by itself.
You can know your patterns and still need tools.You can be emotionally intelligent and still need support.You can be strong and still be tired.
I think a lot of us are.
And when you’re the strong one, people stop checking on you.When you hold everyone else, nobody thinks to hold you.When you seem capable, no one asks if you’re okay.
So you learn to survive quietly.
You learn to carry life on your own back.You learn not to expect much.You learn not to ask.
Until one day you realize you don’t want to live like this anymore.
I don’t think wanting community makes you needy.I think it makes you human.
I don’t think wanting love makes you weak.I think it makes you brave.
I don’t think wanting support means you’re failing.I think it means you’re finally being honest.
I don’t know exactly what I want this year to feel like.But I know I don’t want it to feel like isolation.I don’t want it to feel like survival.I don’t want it to feel like carrying everything by myself.
If you’ve been feeling this too,if you’ve been craving something softer,something steadier,something more connected —
you’re not crazy.
You’re just tired of being strong in silence.
And maybe this is the season we start saying that out loud.
All Is Well (or not),Ashlee
